EVER
WONDER...
..why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women
can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you
don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why
"abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors
call what they do "practice"?
...why you
have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon
juice is made with artificial flavor, while dish
washing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the
man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there
isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who
tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah
didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they
sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they
don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible
black box?
...why sheep
don't shrink when it rains?
...why they
are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is
the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why
they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
In
case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of
Fritos: . You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. details inside. (the
shoplifter special)?
On a bar of
Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen
dinners: "Serving
suggestion:
Defrost." (but, it's "just" a
suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not
turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks
& Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot
after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging
for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's
Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most
brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a
Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an
American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's
superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly." I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one:
On a Swedish
chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands ." (...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)
>
Happy Day!